Magnetism Requires Boundaries
How I stopped abandoning myself to keep the peace.
I used to think becoming more magnetic meant becoming more open.
More open to being seen. More open to being received. More open to the people and experiences that found their way toward me.
What I hadn’t considered was that being open doesn’t mean everything that arrives belongs in your life.
Attraction is not the same as alignment.
And sometimes the most magnetic thing you can do is recognize the difference.
I learned that over the Fourth of July weekend.
We went to someone’s house for lunch.
I already had a complicated history with this person. There had been interactions in the past that left me uncomfortable, but I had gotten used to dismissing them. Keeping the peace often felt easier than acknowledging what I actually felt.
This visit was different.
During lunch, the person became verbally aggressive toward me.
I didn’t react.
But the person I came with did. They defended me and, to my surprise, decided that we were leaving immediately.
Once I got into the car, I noticed something I couldn’t ignore.
My mind was calm, but my body was reacting.
My heart was racing. My leg was shaking.
Mentally, I could dismiss what had happened immediately. Physically, the experience lingered.
For once, instead of convincing myself that it wasn’t a big deal, I paid attention.
A few hours later, the messages started.
First came an explanation. Then an apology. Then another message promising it wouldn’t happen again.
I didn’t respond.
Not because I wanted to punish anyone.
I wasn’t ready to reopen the interaction.
In the past, I might have overridden that feeling to make someone else comfortable. I might have answered because silence felt rude or because I wanted to prove that I wasn’t angry.
This time, I let the boundary exist before I explained it.
The messages continued throughout the week.
Once my body returned to safety, I responded.
I told them I needed space and asked not to be contacted unless it was important.
Then I stopped explaining.
That experience changed the way I though about magnetism.
I’d spent so much time thinking about what I could attract that I hadn’t considered what happens after something arrives.
Not everything you attract is meant to remain.
Not everyone who is drawn to you is aligned with you.
And being magnetic doesn’t require making yourself endlessly available.
Sometimes magnetism looks like openness.
Sometimes it looks like receiving.
And sometimes it looks like a boundary.
Essay 06