The Healing I Couldn’t Rush
How letting go became the beginning of real healing.
As I continued putting the final touches on the restaurant app, I couldn’t help but wonder: How was I going to get it in front of the right people at the right restaurants?
I didn’t want to contact my former coworkers or managers because their restaurants weren’t aligned with what I was building.
The app was designed for fine dining, but I didn’t know anyone in that world. Cold outreach didn’t appeal to me either. As a Human Design Projector, I preferred to wait for an invitation.
That’s when I realized how attached I’d become to the outcome.
I had to let go.
Not of the app, but of the need to know exactly how everything would unfold.
As I continued letting go, I found myself returning to something I had discovered the year before.
After losing my job, I came across a healer on Youtube. I listened to one of her sessions and cried more than I expected. Something about the experience reached a part of me I hadn’t known how to reach on my own.
But while that session was healing, I was not healed.
So I returned to her channel.
What began as one session became a practice. I followed a sequence of sessions and returned to them the next day. And then the next. Eventually, what I had approached as something I needed to “do” became something I simply returned to.
That changed the way I thought about healing.
I had been waiting for the moment when I could finally say I was healed. Instead, I began to understand healing as something that could unfold through repetition, attention, and time.
Healing wasn’t a destination I could arrive at by doing enough. It was becoming a relationship with myself—one I continued to return to.
Some days, something seemed to shift. Other days, nothing seemed to happen at all. Eventually, I stopped needing every session to produce evidence that it was working.
The practice itself became enough.
Over time, that practice began changing the way I approached other parts of my inner life. I became curious about reprogramming the subconscious mind and the ways our inner world shapes the way we experience our lives.
Those explorations eventually became The Quiet Magnetism Experience.
But the practice I started during that period remained.
I still return to it now.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped thinking of it as something I did because I needed to heal myself.
It became a way of returning to myself.
Over and over again.
Essay 05